I Still Will Wish for the Best.

There are so many things that are hard to understand. Like the fate of a man, or of the universe. Yet the man would always wish for SOMETHING, unconsciously drawing a picture of the future. The irony is, when the future is not like what I was expecting, but SOMETHING alone a good line, I would still be satisfied. I would still sing:" In my youth or childhood, I must have done something good!"  But if my effort for things I love does not turn out well, I somehow can't help to feeling sad and helpless. I ask:" why isn't my effort paid equally? What should I do?" There is not a linear formula for such things, and it's overwhelming for poor me. 

It's so childish.

I had a "glorious" time for the 3M strategy for project development report, it's such a triumph. The prof thinks it's the best report for many many...years he's been teaching. I don't really understand the reason behind. I think I did my best, that's all. I met two Singaporean friends and we would eat after classes, chat and all. But it's not like the greatest team dynamics, it's mild and comfortable and there's a sweet distance kept. There's no pressure, we planned it well and take our time doing it bit by bit and hand in 1 day before the deadline. It's kinda slow and enjoyable. We carried out our fancy ideas and nobody complained we did too much work. 

It was nice. 

Now I realize the nice feeling was amplified by the result. I wouldn't feel the process make so much sense without the prof's recognition. I think it's not the way I should look at it, although I can't really help it. 

A bomb goes off at marathon end point in Boston. Dead and injured runners and their sad face were well captured in the news. Putting myself in the scene, in the moment that should be glorious and satisfying, it was terror and helpless fear. 

So yea, there is little you could do to that! 

The sense of security is hard to get if I only depend on the unpredictable result. It was such a thin ice that could be broken easily. The process is where the truth lies, not the result. 

I hope the runners still feel joy for their accomplishing the long run and the self-challenge in the process. I hope they will not be afraid to join another marathon because of the shadow of terror. 

I still, will wish for something good to happen. But I will not cry for the result. It's not the end when it's not a good one.