I Still Will Wish for the Best.

There are so many things that are hard to understand. Like the fate of a man, or of the universe. Yet the man would always wish for SOMETHING, unconsciously drawing a picture of the future. The irony is, when the future is not like what I was expecting, but SOMETHING alone a good line, I would still be satisfied. I would still sing:" In my youth or childhood, I must have done something good!"  But if my effort for things I love does not turn out well, I somehow can't help to feeling sad and helpless. I ask:" why isn't my effort paid equally? What should I do?" There is not a linear formula for such things, and it's overwhelming for poor me. 

It's so childish.

I had a "glorious" time for the 3M strategy for project development report, it's such a triumph. The prof thinks it's the best report for many many...years he's been teaching. I don't really understand the reason behind. I think I did my best, that's all. I met two Singaporean friends and we would eat after classes, chat and all. But it's not like the greatest team dynamics, it's mild and comfortable and there's a sweet distance kept. There's no pressure, we planned it well and take our time doing it bit by bit and hand in 1 day before the deadline. It's kinda slow and enjoyable. We carried out our fancy ideas and nobody complained we did too much work. 

It was nice. 

Now I realize the nice feeling was amplified by the result. I wouldn't feel the process make so much sense without the prof's recognition. I think it's not the way I should look at it, although I can't really help it. 

A bomb goes off at marathon end point in Boston. Dead and injured runners and their sad face were well captured in the news. Putting myself in the scene, in the moment that should be glorious and satisfying, it was terror and helpless fear. 

So yea, there is little you could do to that! 

The sense of security is hard to get if I only depend on the unpredictable result. It was such a thin ice that could be broken easily. The process is where the truth lies, not the result. 

I hope the runners still feel joy for their accomplishing the long run and the self-challenge in the process. I hope they will not be afraid to join another marathon because of the shadow of terror. 

I still, will wish for something good to happen. But I will not cry for the result. It's not the end when it's not a good one. 

A Daring Game

How hard is it to come out from the comfort zone?

I should start to have a log of things to do each day. Actually, I do have a lot to prepare for the near future. So here we go!

1. Summer Intern in China.
Chinese website for internships: I was surprised to find that the intern jobs are not paid. Or I can go for those flexible jobs that require my own effort for money.

If it's not for money, it has to be for experiences. Helping people? Organizing conferences? Maybe they will need me?

Ok, brainstorming summer plans:
(constraint: have to be near home---China, Bei Jing or He Bei)
Travel with mom and dad?
Then we need to drive instead of public transport, right? And no planes.

Egypt.
Driver licence. 2/3 of the US States accept Chinese diver license for a limited time. Penn is 1 year. So it's definitely worthwhile to have one. Most states accept International Driving Permit, IDP or 公证过的驾照.

....

Who regulated my smile

I was given an unexpected bright smile today, feeling like a gift! :)

I realize then, that my smile is no more mine to give out freely. It is a signal, rather functional, and give out only on specific occasions. I smile "professionally" in job interviews, to give a good impression; smile "like a flower" when asking for a favor, to show sincerity; smile to lovers, families and friends... When do you smile to a stranger or ...to a tree, a flower, nothing but only to smile? Smiling girls are the most beautiful, yet I do not naturally do that so often anymore. :(

Did I Just Understand Something?

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
Bob Marley