Forgive and Forget

I should start to forget this. Because unless I forget, it seems enormously difficult to forgive, even if anyone else would think otherwise. For me, it is. 

Here is what I will try to do. Try not to make sense of what happened, what hurt, what mattered so much. Try to reach to something bigger than myself. I have to do it, so that it doesn't sting anymore, so that positive things can finally blossom, so that what stabs the self-esteem would finally be laughed about, and the self-esteem then becomes real. 

I think the reason I don't understand love is because I don't understand humanity. The imperfectness of everything on earth. Everyone said to me that I needed to open my eyes and see the reality. I think I understood reality a little more now. I have found, I have lost, and found and lost. In the process I understood reality a little more. I got it, see, how big the heart needs to be, in order to embrace the happiness - the big big happiness? And how do you even define happiness? It is sometimes so surreal. It makes me want to cry. 

Something bigger than myself. Something bigger than myself. I can do this. Carry on. Carry on.

What Can I Do Other than Robotics

I wonder what I end up doing in my life. Here is a list of what I think I could do.

Jewelry making (silver engraving and stuff) 

Pet photography 

Wisdom of the Day from Naomi Simpson, founder of RedBalloon:

"The greatest piece of advice I had more than a decade ago – when my business was tiny – was simply: 'If it's meant to be, it is up to me.'"

"To me this does not mean that I have to do all the work ... in fact what a bad leader I would be if I toiled 20 hours a day. What it means to me is that I am accountable. And I can live in a world without blame."

Have a Purpose, Maybe!

Normally I just ask if I am the one for him.
But really, is he the one for me?

Lets put it in MBA style:

what do I need?
I need a long term relationship. I need someone that grows with me. Manifest.
Mr. I is a good but I don't know that much about him.

Fact: it's the first 3-5 days that matters the most! It's the click.
I always thought it's the time that matters and I am ashamed of being emotional involved quickly. I should have trusted me.

What do I want?