Stop beating like crazy, heart!

If Jane talks to Jane more often, means Jane is going crazy.
If Jane is going crazy, she starts to scratch her heart.
She dances beautifully, but she thinks not, she thinks she's not ENOUGH.
It's BAD. It's bad when you are not ENOUGH.
It's probably because she can't dance WHOLE HEARTED. Because she is really weak and easy to fall.
When she falls, she start to worry. She holds back.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
She dances by herself. She stand alone. She run away.
She's not going to tell him that he is special. She's not going to tell him that she has space for him.
She is somewhat, proud. (Ughhhh. she's like a man this way!!)

When will Jane grow up? Jane wants to grow up. Jane wants to love. Guess she will chase after the crazy ridiculous love, for a long time.

1. Last night, I saw a gang of young shinny fresh boys in Rittensquare park. I approached them carefully, afraid that they are in some dangerous mood. When I get closer and closer, I realized they are playing sha bao all together, giggling and talking. They played it the same way when we played it 10 years back(dou kou nian hua?). They looked like they are having great fun. Well, in the moonlight, in the smooth wind, in the tree shadows, in the young blood, things are perfect. I am very much in ecstasy.

2. Then I went in LaB social ethical building, I put myself in man's world, in a romance wonderland. It is as much built by the people as by my own imagination. And thus, you know, I would be hurt for anything. I realized that for love, you can be selfish. For dancing, although there's total devotion of love in that one song, you can't and not allowed to be selfish. It's a pain in the ass for me not to be selfish! I watched the man i was in love with a minute ago danced as if he was in love with another girl. Well, i should be happy that in this warm wooden floor, man and woman love one another, and the whole world is, in this one night, in love.

3. In a dancing perspective, the difference between Singapore and Philly is obvious. Philly peeps are more random. haha.

4. I hear the song again. The Подмосковные Вечера that brings me back to the karaoke nights with parents. Memory has power. I drown myself in the song and I feel like floating in the unknown space that  stores my most valuable belongings. I sat there, very lost, stoning at the couple in a depth of distance dancing a beautiful dance with the song, then I felt the connection. A secret connection between China and the world, me and parents. 

I left after the song, singing the song on the street, with my whole heart. 

All, Or Nothing At All

   《别》　
　　
　　顾城
　　
　　在春天， 　　
　　你把手帕轻挥， 　　
　　是让我远去， 　　
　　还是马上返回？ 　　
　　不，
　　什么也不是， 　　
　　什么也不因为， 　　
　　就象水中的落花， 　　
　　就象花上的露水…… 　　
　　只有影子懂得， 　　
　　只有风能体会， 　　
　　只有叹息惊起的彩蝶， 　　
　　还在心花中纷飞……